I've had a few memories popping up over the last few days. Moments that didn't make sense at the time, and looking back, they still don't really make sense.
My parents, crazy they may be, tried the best they could when they got custody of me when I was 10 years old. Neither of them had any idea what to do with a kid my age. They probably would have been ok with a baby.. maybe, but that wouldn't happen for another 4 years or so.
One major memory of my childhood was that I was in trouble. All the time. If you were to ask me why, I wouldn't even know where to start. Josh and I were sitting on the couch the other night and I remembered one of my "punishments": I had to write sentences in a composition book, and once I was done with that, dad made me stand with my back against the wall, knees bent, arms out in front for 5 minutes because "that's what they made him do in the navy."
Another instance that mom and dad thought was SO funny: I got a post card in the mail from the student ambassador program (I'm 12, maybe 13 at this point) and I was ECSTATIC! Someone at the church I went to hosted a foreign exchange student and it was the coolest thing ever. I thought it was my ticket to a vacation away from my parents. I remember bringing it to them and practically begging them to check into it for me. They laughed, of course, and told me that everyone gets those and it wasn't anything to be excited over. Queue bummed out me, retreating to my room to sulk and listen to music. Which is what I did most of the time anyway. A few days later, another postcard shows up from the same address, only this time the recipient was "Kaetoovius Romjin Maxiumus." My cat. Dad went to their website and requested information to be sent to the cat to prove to me that they do, in fact, send that stuff to everyone.
Another gem of a memory was my mom, drunk at 1 or 2 AM, screaming at the TV during the World's Strongest Man competition. I hate you, Magus VonMagnussen, and it's totally not your fault.
One summer I was grounded from everything except for books and my discman. While it was boring at the time, it sparked my love of reading and I got to listen to a lot of CDs. I think that's the summer I started keeping a journal, too. Friends weren't allowed to call, I wasn't allowed to use the phone or go anywhere. I remember the insomnia of that summer and staring out my window watching people walk down my street and wishing I was out there, wishing I had someone to talk to. That was the summer I bought my first Henry Rollins book.
The kid me had no idea why my parents were so weird. The adult me finally figured out that half my parents "parenting" decisions were made to the best of their ability and the other half were result of them being condescending assholes.
I hope, for my sister's sake, that their parenting has improved. They're still really good at being condescending assholes.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Huge recap...
To say a lot has happened since the last update would be a vast understatement.
I lost my Grandma Judy at the beginning of April. Externally, I'm processing it. Internally, I'm still reeling. She was a major part of my life, especially recently during my mom's major freak outs. She was a calming voice of reason, logic, humor and utmost understanding when I needed it most. When I was young, she rescued me from mom's wrath more times than I can remember. She helped me plan my wedding. She taught me how to cook. She taught me how to read out loud (while my mom was trying to convince my dad that I was probably dyslexic). She taught me how to be creative and appreciate my talents. She taught me that people see things differently and that doesn't make one person right or wrong (while my mom was trying to convince me that I was colorblind). In essence, she raised me up and gave me confidence while my mom was too caught up in being right and making sure everyone else was wrong. In summary, she was a pretty big deal to me.
I know how losing her made me feel- like the guiding light I had pulling me through my mom's storm had just been blown out. She had a way of pushing all the unnecessary bullshit out of the way and really focusing on the true problem. I can't fathom how it made my grandfather feel. He took care of her, day in and day out. He loved her with all his heart. They made each other better people. I can't think of that and not feel the immense need to run home to him and just hug him. My grandfather is a great person. One of my top 5 favorite people of all time. For all intents and purposes, he's my dad and I've always felt that way toward him. We were all present when Judy took her last breath, we all cried, we all told stories, and we all felt the heaviness as they took her out of the house and we all said goodbye for the last time.
I won't be eloquent: It was fucking hard. My brain told me to be strong, my heart told me to do it for more than just myself. We spent that night drinking, awake until we couldn't hold our eyes open anymore. When we woke up the next morning, we cleaned ourselves up and took to the yard. Me, Dad, Josh, Mia & Tim. All we had was familial solidarity. All we had was what we needed to do. All we wanted to do was escape. And it wasn't until the words left my mouth that I realized we were all thinking the same thing: Let's go to the camp. The piece of property out in the middle of nowhere, on top of a mountain, away from the phone calls, the neighbors, and into the quiet. Just us, a jug of moonshine, cigarettes and endless stories. It was then- my grandpa turned to me and said: "After the divorce, I wish I could have kept you. It would have been me and you and we would have been all right." I've been crying over those words ever since. My life would have been so different.
The next afternoon, we were in Cancun, Mexico for a whole week! Our schedule went something like this: Wake up, coffee, booze, books, booze, beach, booze, pool, booze, lunch, booze, nap, booze, dinner, booze, booze, booze, sleep. The booze was great but the food was AMAZING. It really is true that American's value quantity over quality. Everything that we ate or drank had one of us saying "this is the best (insert item here) that I've ever had!" After a week, I was afraid that the jeans I had packed to travel back in weren't going to fit! We really did gorge ourselves. Duck pate? Yeah, we ate that and likely drank about $1000 worth of Don Julio tequila.
Well it turns out my "reasonable raise" was completely unreasonable and their counter offer was insulting to say the least. I immediately told my boss if they couldn't approve something more in my favor, that I would be leaving for another job as soon as possible. He hemmed and hawed and I ended the conversation and went on a mission to find my other boss to royally chew her out for the shit that she strung me through. Her reply was something to the tune of "I see you more as a friend, which is why I told you so early on that we wanted to move you up." You're my boss, not my friend. Thanks for making me jump through hoops for your own entertainment. Within days, I find out she's put in to move to another store. Within days, I'm sending out resumes like candy on Halloween.
About a week into it, I get a call back and an interview. When asked what pay rate I'm looking for, I say what I'm making now and I got laughed at. She tells me that she can definitely offer me more than that. A few days later, I get a call back with a job offer with $11 an hour pay. (More than I had asked for and as many hours as I want to work.) So now I have a nice cushy desk job, my bosses love me, and Josh and I get to carpool to work. AND I'll make enough money to pay off my credit cards!
I lost my Grandma Judy at the beginning of April. Externally, I'm processing it. Internally, I'm still reeling. She was a major part of my life, especially recently during my mom's major freak outs. She was a calming voice of reason, logic, humor and utmost understanding when I needed it most. When I was young, she rescued me from mom's wrath more times than I can remember. She helped me plan my wedding. She taught me how to cook. She taught me how to read out loud (while my mom was trying to convince my dad that I was probably dyslexic). She taught me how to be creative and appreciate my talents. She taught me that people see things differently and that doesn't make one person right or wrong (while my mom was trying to convince me that I was colorblind). In essence, she raised me up and gave me confidence while my mom was too caught up in being right and making sure everyone else was wrong. In summary, she was a pretty big deal to me.
I know how losing her made me feel- like the guiding light I had pulling me through my mom's storm had just been blown out. She had a way of pushing all the unnecessary bullshit out of the way and really focusing on the true problem. I can't fathom how it made my grandfather feel. He took care of her, day in and day out. He loved her with all his heart. They made each other better people. I can't think of that and not feel the immense need to run home to him and just hug him. My grandfather is a great person. One of my top 5 favorite people of all time. For all intents and purposes, he's my dad and I've always felt that way toward him. We were all present when Judy took her last breath, we all cried, we all told stories, and we all felt the heaviness as they took her out of the house and we all said goodbye for the last time.
I won't be eloquent: It was fucking hard. My brain told me to be strong, my heart told me to do it for more than just myself. We spent that night drinking, awake until we couldn't hold our eyes open anymore. When we woke up the next morning, we cleaned ourselves up and took to the yard. Me, Dad, Josh, Mia & Tim. All we had was familial solidarity. All we had was what we needed to do. All we wanted to do was escape. And it wasn't until the words left my mouth that I realized we were all thinking the same thing: Let's go to the camp. The piece of property out in the middle of nowhere, on top of a mountain, away from the phone calls, the neighbors, and into the quiet. Just us, a jug of moonshine, cigarettes and endless stories. It was then- my grandpa turned to me and said: "After the divorce, I wish I could have kept you. It would have been me and you and we would have been all right." I've been crying over those words ever since. My life would have been so different.
~~~~~~~
That was the beginning of April, our wedding was in July. I'll put this very plainly, for anyone that's reading and feeling the need to put their nose in someone's personal business: My parents were invited to the wedding. They did not respond by the RSVP due date and Josh called them to ask if they were coming and my mom said no. That's it, the end, there is nothing more to say. Please don't email me with any questions or comments or asking me to explain "my side of the story."
We finished planning and pulled everything together fabulously. My grandpa did the ceremony and everything was perfectly imperfect. The whole thing kicked off around 5:45 and Josh and I threw back a shot of moonshine to take the edge off before we walked down the aisle together. I consider it a personal victory that we didn't cry all the way through the ceremony. We had so much fun being with everyone and having our two lives come together as one. His family loves my family and my family loves his. The turnout was wonderful. It was so overwhelming to see everyone's smiling faces and know that we are loved.It felt like Judy was there with me all day long. She gave me the extra burst of energy to dye the icing the way I wanted and it reminded me that if I want something bad enough, I have the strength to make it happen for myself. (And to laugh if it doesn't turn out as expected: the purple cupcakes turned blue, my wedding band was lost in the yard and we almost didn't get to say our vows!!) If you keep up with me on Facebook, you can find the link to the photo album. The pictures turned out amazing. Josh and I were so glad once it was all over because it meant that the stress was done and we were FINALLY married.
The next afternoon, we were in Cancun, Mexico for a whole week! Our schedule went something like this: Wake up, coffee, booze, books, booze, beach, booze, pool, booze, lunch, booze, nap, booze, dinner, booze, booze, booze, sleep. The booze was great but the food was AMAZING. It really is true that American's value quantity over quality. Everything that we ate or drank had one of us saying "this is the best (insert item here) that I've ever had!" After a week, I was afraid that the jeans I had packed to travel back in weren't going to fit! We really did gorge ourselves. Duck pate? Yeah, we ate that and likely drank about $1000 worth of Don Julio tequila.
~~~~~
Once we finally got back and settled into our old schedules, I put my nose to the ground job hunting. I don't think I mentioned it on here before: My boss had been telling me since January that I was being considered for management and they wanted to move me up as soon as possible. May-ish rolls around and a position was finally posted that I was told I was getting. Turns out, I still had to apply and interview for it. Also turns out, other people were being considered for the job. After a month or so with no response, I started getting pushy and they finally offered me the position. When I asked what the pay raise would be, my boss asked what I wanted and I replied with what I thought a reasonable raise would be. Que the deer in headlights stare from my boss and the canned response of "I will see if I can get that approved." Well it turns out my "reasonable raise" was completely unreasonable and their counter offer was insulting to say the least. I immediately told my boss if they couldn't approve something more in my favor, that I would be leaving for another job as soon as possible. He hemmed and hawed and I ended the conversation and went on a mission to find my other boss to royally chew her out for the shit that she strung me through. Her reply was something to the tune of "I see you more as a friend, which is why I told you so early on that we wanted to move you up." You're my boss, not my friend. Thanks for making me jump through hoops for your own entertainment. Within days, I find out she's put in to move to another store. Within days, I'm sending out resumes like candy on Halloween.
About a week into it, I get a call back and an interview. When asked what pay rate I'm looking for, I say what I'm making now and I got laughed at. She tells me that she can definitely offer me more than that. A few days later, I get a call back with a job offer with $11 an hour pay. (More than I had asked for and as many hours as I want to work.) So now I have a nice cushy desk job, my bosses love me, and Josh and I get to carpool to work. AND I'll make enough money to pay off my credit cards!
~~~~~
Josh's birthday was August 18th. It's officially his last year of his 20's! I cooked him a pot roast and we went to see Alison Krauss & Union Station live at the St. Augustine Amphitheater. It was a fantastic show and we somehow managed to finagle free parking! We also added a new head to our household! Thanks to the Jacksonville Humane Society, we have a new doggy buddy named Geddy. (Affectionately Gedward Puppercorn)
Friday, March 18, 2011
holy cow I need to update.
So it's been something like a month since I posted last, some super cool stuff has happened!
My birthday was awesome. I spent it exactly how I wanted- with good company and good beer. It was a great way to break in 25... along with a sinus infection. But YAY for free antibiotics at Publix!
We stayed at Pub Life for a night in St. Augustine. It's an awesome little place situated on the second floor of Ann O'Malley's. Free drinks and free food.. and we got invited onto the Double Decker Pub Crawl bus, and hopped to a few different bars before Josh met a guy that he got to talk Rush to. We were pretty lit by that point, and the bus had left the bar we landed at. After a long.. long walk back to the pub, we filled up the clawfoot tub, relaxed, and finally crawled into bed.
On an embarrassing note, I remember waking up in the middle of the night having to pee so bad.. I couldn't find the doorknob in the dark, and I started crying because I didn't want to pee on myself. Did I mention that we had A LOT to drink? Josh claims to not recall any of this. A true gentleman, he is.
We roamed around the town for a bit the next day, both of us terribly hungover. Drank a lot of water, made it halfway up the lighthouse, and then retreated back home and slept for hours. Apparently, staying out late, drinking in smokey bars isn't the best thing to do when you're fighting off an infection. My voice was gone for about two weeks, which made work tons of fun.
I finally got my passport, so the honeymoon is 100% go now. Josh was super worried that I'd put it off for too long and I wouldn't get it back in time, but luckily for an extra $40, it showed up two weeks after I submitted the paperwork. Laura Phalen can now legally travel abroad!
I started watching Mad Men from season one.. and can I say ADDICTED and thoroughly infatuated with Jon Hamm.
That's just a small side note from one of the more AWESOME things that have happened since my last post. Josh told me that his best friend and ladyfriend were coming to town and that I would have to pick them up from the airport. Only when I pulled up the curb at JAX, my aunt and grandma were waving at me! What a fantastic surprise! We got to take them around to our favorite restaurants and spent an afternoon at the beach. It was so great to have two of my favorite people under my roof for a few days. We also got to nail down some wedding details, which made Josh and I even more excited for the coming months.
In other news of plans coming together: Josh and his boys booked their flights! Talk about an awesome bachelor party.. a week in Japan! I wish this was one of those trips that I could beg enough to go along. He's so excited- said they've been planning a trip like this since they were in grade school. I demand souvenirs!
A comic book that I had a hand in creating should be finished by this summer. That's an awesome thing to say. I'm waiting to hear back about publishing/printing costs. If anyone would be interested in getting their hands on a copy, let me know. Any copies sold would certainly help recoup the expenses, and maybe put a little cash in the pockets of the guys that did all the hard work.
Had a great St. Patrick's day- cooked up some pot roast, potato casserole, homestyle green beans and biscuits at the request of a friend that wanted mountain food.
Hope everyone out there in internet land is doing well!
My birthday was awesome. I spent it exactly how I wanted- with good company and good beer. It was a great way to break in 25... along with a sinus infection. But YAY for free antibiotics at Publix!
We stayed at Pub Life for a night in St. Augustine. It's an awesome little place situated on the second floor of Ann O'Malley's. Free drinks and free food.. and we got invited onto the Double Decker Pub Crawl bus, and hopped to a few different bars before Josh met a guy that he got to talk Rush to. We were pretty lit by that point, and the bus had left the bar we landed at. After a long.. long walk back to the pub, we filled up the clawfoot tub, relaxed, and finally crawled into bed.
On an embarrassing note, I remember waking up in the middle of the night having to pee so bad.. I couldn't find the doorknob in the dark, and I started crying because I didn't want to pee on myself. Did I mention that we had A LOT to drink? Josh claims to not recall any of this. A true gentleman, he is.
We roamed around the town for a bit the next day, both of us terribly hungover. Drank a lot of water, made it halfway up the lighthouse, and then retreated back home and slept for hours. Apparently, staying out late, drinking in smokey bars isn't the best thing to do when you're fighting off an infection. My voice was gone for about two weeks, which made work tons of fun.
I finally got my passport, so the honeymoon is 100% go now. Josh was super worried that I'd put it off for too long and I wouldn't get it back in time, but luckily for an extra $40, it showed up two weeks after I submitted the paperwork. Laura Phalen can now legally travel abroad!
I started watching Mad Men from season one.. and can I say ADDICTED and thoroughly infatuated with Jon Hamm.
That's just a small side note from one of the more AWESOME things that have happened since my last post. Josh told me that his best friend and ladyfriend were coming to town and that I would have to pick them up from the airport. Only when I pulled up the curb at JAX, my aunt and grandma were waving at me! What a fantastic surprise! We got to take them around to our favorite restaurants and spent an afternoon at the beach. It was so great to have two of my favorite people under my roof for a few days. We also got to nail down some wedding details, which made Josh and I even more excited for the coming months.
In other news of plans coming together: Josh and his boys booked their flights! Talk about an awesome bachelor party.. a week in Japan! I wish this was one of those trips that I could beg enough to go along. He's so excited- said they've been planning a trip like this since they were in grade school. I demand souvenirs!
A comic book that I had a hand in creating should be finished by this summer. That's an awesome thing to say. I'm waiting to hear back about publishing/printing costs. If anyone would be interested in getting their hands on a copy, let me know. Any copies sold would certainly help recoup the expenses, and maybe put a little cash in the pockets of the guys that did all the hard work.
Had a great St. Patrick's day- cooked up some pot roast, potato casserole, homestyle green beans and biscuits at the request of a friend that wanted mountain food.
Hope everyone out there in internet land is doing well!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Robits! Running!
It feels good to make progress. I don't give myself the opportunity to be proud of myself very often. But this was too great to let go- I started running at the end of December. 1.3 miles in 30 minutes. Since then, I've jumped up to 2.3 miles in 35 minutes. I even increased my walk/run speed from 2.5/4.5 to 3.0/4.7. The transition up was an awesome feeling in and of itself- I realized one evening that the treadmill wasn't moving fast enough for my pace, rather than me trying to keep up with it! Once I adjusted the speed to fit my gate, it was easier to run longer, I didn't feel as winded, I was even able to push myself run extra minutes. Shin splits took me down for a little while, but I'm certainly not out!
I'm gaining on that last mile! I'm also super pumped that Josh ordered me new running shoes for my birthday :)
In other news, I've been bitten by the artistic bug. I've been saying that I wanted to paint something for our living room since we moved in to this apartment. A year later, I finally found my way to Hobby Lobby and picked up some acrylic paints and a smallish canvas.
The finished product ended up being part of Josh's Valentine.
I ended up picking up three more canvasses and did these, too:
I'm pumped about all these! Check back in for more later on! I've got some wedding ideas...
I'm gaining on that last mile! I'm also super pumped that Josh ordered me new running shoes for my birthday :)
In other news, I've been bitten by the artistic bug. I've been saying that I wanted to paint something for our living room since we moved in to this apartment. A year later, I finally found my way to Hobby Lobby and picked up some acrylic paints and a smallish canvas.
The finished product ended up being part of Josh's Valentine.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
So many beers..
Oops! I didn't mean for there to be such a delay between posts..
Took a few days off running.. due to shin splints and hangovers. Getting back on track now. Josh and I went on a quesadilla kick for a few days thanks to the recipe we found in the cook book his mom got us for christmas.
We watched Memento at movie night. What a mindfuck of a movie. I really enjoyed it though. We also finally checked out a store at the mall called Total Wine. They had soooo many different craft beers.. and all the imports are organized by country and style. BLISS.
I'm part way through a geography activity book in which I have to name all the countries and then trivia questions about them. I wish all college courses were this easy.
Five months until the wedding... If you're reading this and you haven't sent me your address yet, you need to. We're putting the guest list together.
Took a few days off running.. due to shin splints and hangovers. Getting back on track now. Josh and I went on a quesadilla kick for a few days thanks to the recipe we found in the cook book his mom got us for christmas.
We watched Memento at movie night. What a mindfuck of a movie. I really enjoyed it though. We also finally checked out a store at the mall called Total Wine. They had soooo many different craft beers.. and all the imports are organized by country and style. BLISS.
I'm part way through a geography activity book in which I have to name all the countries and then trivia questions about them. I wish all college courses were this easy.
Five months until the wedding... If you're reading this and you haven't sent me your address yet, you need to. We're putting the guest list together.
Monday, January 31, 2011
tension headache, day three.
I realized I've been clenching my jaw more often than I don't. So, I broke down and bought a mouth guard today. Took a nap earlier to try it out (and also because I was really sleepy) and discovered that I've been grinding my teeth, as well.
Massage scheduled for Wednesday. I really need to learn how to relax.
Short post today. Carry on.
Massage scheduled for Wednesday. I really need to learn how to relax.
Short post today. Carry on.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Temporary home
It's been an interesting few days..
I had my first crappy night at the gym, which was bound to happen. I got about 1/4 of a mile into my run and my calves started cramping, which moved up to my knees and my thighs. I tried to stretch it out, to no avail, still made it a mile and a half. I think it's time for new shoes and/or impact absorbing insoles. The pain kept me out of the gym for a few days, picking up again should be fun.
I came home from school on Thursday and found a kennel on my porch and two green eyes staring at me from inside. I thought stuff like that only happened in stories- no one in real life just drops animals (or babies) off on porches. They didn't even bother to leave a note or anything. I had no idea how I was even going to begin to explain to Josh how I just FOUND a cat on our doorstep.
I brought it inside and holed up in the bathroom.. just in case it decided to freak out, or was covered in whatever a random cat could be covered in. I won't lie.. it felt like I'd been visited by the kitty fairy- giddy and excited. I opened up the crate and this BEAUTIFUL black cat walks out. Hands down one of the prettiest (and biggest) cats I've ever had the privilege of taking care of. She's the size of a smaller dog, and now she's getting comfortable on my bathroom counter.
I knew there was no way we'd be able to keep her- not with my allergies and Josh's disdain for cats, but she was so sweet and not at all shy about making herself at home. She was a perfect shadow, and a grade A nappin' buddy. It took a couple days, but we managed to find a home for her with some friends from work. I cried to Josh last night that I didn't want to take her to a shelter because they'd just put her down, and she's far too good natured to not get a chance to be someone's companion.
I cried to Josh about quite a bit last night. Laura got a wee drunk off several Wee Heavies. We hit up the Scottish and import beer festival last night, got some neat swag and won a free stay at Pub Life! Bitchin' hangover today, puffy eyes and all.. probably one of the worst I've ever had. Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger fixed my stomach right up, but I'm still waiting on the headache to subside.
We're headed to Singleton's tonight to enjoy some delicious fish.. mmm...
I had my first crappy night at the gym, which was bound to happen. I got about 1/4 of a mile into my run and my calves started cramping, which moved up to my knees and my thighs. I tried to stretch it out, to no avail, still made it a mile and a half. I think it's time for new shoes and/or impact absorbing insoles. The pain kept me out of the gym for a few days, picking up again should be fun.
I came home from school on Thursday and found a kennel on my porch and two green eyes staring at me from inside. I thought stuff like that only happened in stories- no one in real life just drops animals (or babies) off on porches. They didn't even bother to leave a note or anything. I had no idea how I was even going to begin to explain to Josh how I just FOUND a cat on our doorstep.
I brought it inside and holed up in the bathroom.. just in case it decided to freak out, or was covered in whatever a random cat could be covered in. I won't lie.. it felt like I'd been visited by the kitty fairy- giddy and excited. I opened up the crate and this BEAUTIFUL black cat walks out. Hands down one of the prettiest (and biggest) cats I've ever had the privilege of taking care of. She's the size of a smaller dog, and now she's getting comfortable on my bathroom counter.
 |
| You're a kitty! |
I knew there was no way we'd be able to keep her- not with my allergies and Josh's disdain for cats, but she was so sweet and not at all shy about making herself at home. She was a perfect shadow, and a grade A nappin' buddy. It took a couple days, but we managed to find a home for her with some friends from work. I cried to Josh last night that I didn't want to take her to a shelter because they'd just put her down, and she's far too good natured to not get a chance to be someone's companion.
I cried to Josh about quite a bit last night. Laura got a wee drunk off several Wee Heavies. We hit up the Scottish and import beer festival last night, got some neat swag and won a free stay at Pub Life! Bitchin' hangover today, puffy eyes and all.. probably one of the worst I've ever had. Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger fixed my stomach right up, but I'm still waiting on the headache to subside.
We're headed to Singleton's tonight to enjoy some delicious fish.. mmm...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
So I made my friends watch Pink Flamingos and now I'm not sure if I have friends anymore..
A couple weeks ago, a few friends of mine decided that we should set up a weekly movie/dinner night. Great idea- a weekly hang out, explore new movies, pester Tara's cats. Win/win.
The first pick was Tacos & Gothika. I love tacos, but I learned that I can't watch suspense movies, especially not inebriated.
Last night, Tara made chicken and vegetable curry. It was sooo good. My pick was Pink Flamingos. Let me (attempt to) redeem myself by saying:
1- I'd never seen Pink Flamingos prior to movie night last night.
2- Chicken rape? I'm so sorry.
3- I had no idea there would be a gaping asshole.
4- The turd in a box was funny.
Josh is up next, his pick is Memento. I'm sure everyone is thrilled that I won't get another movie pick for a few weeks. I promise that I won't pick anymore bizarre B movies. I won't even suggest Grey Gardens.. Maybe I should pick a selection and leave it up to the rest of the group.
Dear friends, I look forward to weeks of attempting to gain back your respect. If I am unable to do so, please don't hold it against Josh. He's such a nice boy.
The first pick was Tacos & Gothika. I love tacos, but I learned that I can't watch suspense movies, especially not inebriated.
Last night, Tara made chicken and vegetable curry. It was sooo good. My pick was Pink Flamingos. Let me (attempt to) redeem myself by saying:
1- I'd never seen Pink Flamingos prior to movie night last night.
2- Chicken rape? I'm so sorry.
3- I had no idea there would be a gaping asshole.
4- The turd in a box was funny.
Josh is up next, his pick is Memento. I'm sure everyone is thrilled that I won't get another movie pick for a few weeks. I promise that I won't pick anymore bizarre B movies. I won't even suggest Grey Gardens.. Maybe I should pick a selection and leave it up to the rest of the group.
Dear friends, I look forward to weeks of attempting to gain back your respect. If I am unable to do so, please don't hold it against Josh. He's such a nice boy.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I don't wanna get bungled in.
WOO! Finished week 4 of couch to 5k! *celebratory pat on the back* I thought for sure that
I wouldn't be able to make it through this week, nevermind finish and still have enough energy at the end to throw down a few more minutes of running! Go me, go me.. it's almost my birthday.. I'm gonna make 25 look good.
Still not shedding the poundage I'd like to, but I can see a difference in my arms and legs just from running and lifting. I downloaded an app called My Fitness Pal, so it's been a hell of a lot easier keeping track of what I eat. Must.. Keep.. Hands.. Out.. Of.. Candy.. Jar... Gum has been my saving grace the past few days. I'm trying to keep myself from fridge sniping when I'm bored and eying the payday bars on the candy rack at work. (I caved and had one today.. but I ran it off at the gym and it was worth every delicious calorie.)
I'm planning on repeating week 4 to build up my endurance to start week 5 next week. I went from comfortably doing 1.3 miles to 2 miles pretty quickly, so hopefully this week will give me the extra boost I need to finally nail that last mile. I increased my walking speed from 2.5 to 3 and my jogging speed from 4.5 to 4.7. I'm not setting any speed goals until after I finish and thoroughly reward myself (new tattoo whoop whoop!!)
In other news, I got a new phone! Picked up the HTC Evo and it's AWESOME. I've been nerding out over this thing since I got it. It's been a total geek-gasm. Josh is jealous, as he should be. He's still sold on getting an iPhone when Verizon launches them in February.
Family life is still stressful. I won't divulge gory details, but it's not exactly a field of daisies. I had somewhat of an epiphany a few days ago. I spent so many years trying to keep from drawing my mom's attention, that it's crept over into my personal life. I've been afraid to draw attention, exceed expectations, or do anything that would single me out. I can't do that anymore. I'm too awesome. It's time to start living for Laura and stop holding myself back. As my grandmother told me: my life is now. And as my geography professor said: brag about your accomplishments- you accomplished something, so you should be proud.
It hit me today, I don't miss beer half as much as I thought I would. Now I have an excuse to only drink the good stuff. Josh brought home a couple UFO's and two different Deliriums that I'm giddy to try.
Also- I'm getting married in SIX months. (*glee*) The Ricky Gervais show is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Karl Pilkington is my favorite person to quote right now.
I wouldn't be able to make it through this week, nevermind finish and still have enough energy at the end to throw down a few more minutes of running! Go me, go me.. it's almost my birthday.. I'm gonna make 25 look good.
Still not shedding the poundage I'd like to, but I can see a difference in my arms and legs just from running and lifting. I downloaded an app called My Fitness Pal, so it's been a hell of a lot easier keeping track of what I eat. Must.. Keep.. Hands.. Out.. Of.. Candy.. Jar... Gum has been my saving grace the past few days. I'm trying to keep myself from fridge sniping when I'm bored and eying the payday bars on the candy rack at work. (I caved and had one today.. but I ran it off at the gym and it was worth every delicious calorie.)
I'm planning on repeating week 4 to build up my endurance to start week 5 next week. I went from comfortably doing 1.3 miles to 2 miles pretty quickly, so hopefully this week will give me the extra boost I need to finally nail that last mile. I increased my walking speed from 2.5 to 3 and my jogging speed from 4.5 to 4.7. I'm not setting any speed goals until after I finish and thoroughly reward myself (new tattoo whoop whoop!!)
In other news, I got a new phone! Picked up the HTC Evo and it's AWESOME. I've been nerding out over this thing since I got it. It's been a total geek-gasm. Josh is jealous, as he should be. He's still sold on getting an iPhone when Verizon launches them in February.
Family life is still stressful. I won't divulge gory details, but it's not exactly a field of daisies. I had somewhat of an epiphany a few days ago. I spent so many years trying to keep from drawing my mom's attention, that it's crept over into my personal life. I've been afraid to draw attention, exceed expectations, or do anything that would single me out. I can't do that anymore. I'm too awesome. It's time to start living for Laura and stop holding myself back. As my grandmother told me: my life is now. And as my geography professor said: brag about your accomplishments- you accomplished something, so you should be proud.
It hit me today, I don't miss beer half as much as I thought I would. Now I have an excuse to only drink the good stuff. Josh brought home a couple UFO's and two different Deliriums that I'm giddy to try.
Also- I'm getting married in SIX months. (*glee*) The Ricky Gervais show is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Karl Pilkington is my favorite person to quote right now.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Learning to be tough: A rope of sand.
Let me preface this post by saying I've had a really shitty couple of days. Sorry for the all-too-personal post.
This week begins week 3 of couch to 5k- I'm proud of myself for making it this far! I've even added more weight to the exercises I've been doing outside of the jogging. Even though the scale isn't reflecting it yet, I feel a lot better and I'm sure once I finish the program I'll feel silly for worrying about something as petty as a scale number. Thanks to Josh's dad for sending us a Samsung Ro for christmas. I quickly realized that the length of my jogging and episodes of Clone High matched up perfectly. The downside- only one season, so at the end of two weeks I have to find something else to watch.
Lately I've had a lot of things pulling my attention and having a gym regimen to stick with has been a godsend. This year has decided to put more weight on my shoulders in the first 10 days than I thought I could carry.
My manager at work is completely unloading all her woes and frustrations about the store onto me- including (but not limited to) walking in the store to find her crying, near constant reminders of when her currency exchange lands- she's out of here, making me feel guilty for asking for a weekend off- even though I worked all through the holiday season- even picking up extra days so others could have the opportunity to take time off. I can only recall 3 days that I had off to spend with Josh over his two week vacation- one of those days was Xmas day- when the store was closed.
My mom is having another mental freakout- this happens every 3 months like clockwork. I thought a year later from when it started, it would be easier to handle. In a way, it is, but it's still hard to get screamed at, cried at, blamed and accused for her problems with everyone else. She and her therapist wonder why I'm so apprehensive about trying to re-establish communication. I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of having to listen to her anymore, about anything. She says to me- "I have questions and I need answers from you. I'm reaching out to you, Laura, because I don't want to live in this world anymore." Thanks mom, love you, too. In the year that we've been estranged, you keep saying that you have questions, but you never ask them and I'm sick of waiting. I admitted something to myself the other day- I'm not even trying to make things better anymore. I don't want her to hate me for severing our ties, but as several people would say: what's the worst thing that could happen for me? That I could go on to live a normal life away from the constant barrage of emotional abuse. The worst thing that could happen to her- she'd realize what a complete unmanageable, short fused, blind bitch she's been all these years and maybe she could learn to be happy and well-adjusted.
I didn't go home this christmas- in a way it was liberating and much easier on our wallets. On the other hand.. I wish I would have. I found out yesterday that my Grandma Judy has cancer for the fourth time. She and my grandfather are hoping to get test results back today to find out what type it is, what stage it's in, if it's treatable or if it's even worth treating. She said her mammogram was clear in October, but a PET scan in November revealed that there was a lump in her breast and nodules in her lung. The tone of my grandfather's voice was heartbreaking. I wanted to crawl through the phone and hug him. In the two years that I've been in Florida- this is the first time I felt far away. Judy told me to be tough so that is what I will strive to be.
2011 will teach me to be tough. 2011 will not break me.
Brunch and then off to the gym. First day of spring semester tomorrow- here's hoping my financial aid will over the two classes I'm taking.
Sorry for the rant of a post. I'm not fishing for sympathy from anyone by any means. As I said in the beginning- I'm so thankful to have a structured schedule so that I have to only focus on one thing at a time. Also- I'm SOOOO excited for this weekend- Savannah with some of my favorite people. I'm pumped to get to play with our new camera, too!
This week begins week 3 of couch to 5k- I'm proud of myself for making it this far! I've even added more weight to the exercises I've been doing outside of the jogging. Even though the scale isn't reflecting it yet, I feel a lot better and I'm sure once I finish the program I'll feel silly for worrying about something as petty as a scale number. Thanks to Josh's dad for sending us a Samsung Ro for christmas. I quickly realized that the length of my jogging and episodes of Clone High matched up perfectly. The downside- only one season, so at the end of two weeks I have to find something else to watch.
Lately I've had a lot of things pulling my attention and having a gym regimen to stick with has been a godsend. This year has decided to put more weight on my shoulders in the first 10 days than I thought I could carry.
My manager at work is completely unloading all her woes and frustrations about the store onto me- including (but not limited to) walking in the store to find her crying, near constant reminders of when her currency exchange lands- she's out of here, making me feel guilty for asking for a weekend off- even though I worked all through the holiday season- even picking up extra days so others could have the opportunity to take time off. I can only recall 3 days that I had off to spend with Josh over his two week vacation- one of those days was Xmas day- when the store was closed.
My mom is having another mental freakout- this happens every 3 months like clockwork. I thought a year later from when it started, it would be easier to handle. In a way, it is, but it's still hard to get screamed at, cried at, blamed and accused for her problems with everyone else. She and her therapist wonder why I'm so apprehensive about trying to re-establish communication. I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of having to listen to her anymore, about anything. She says to me- "I have questions and I need answers from you. I'm reaching out to you, Laura, because I don't want to live in this world anymore." Thanks mom, love you, too. In the year that we've been estranged, you keep saying that you have questions, but you never ask them and I'm sick of waiting. I admitted something to myself the other day- I'm not even trying to make things better anymore. I don't want her to hate me for severing our ties, but as several people would say: what's the worst thing that could happen for me? That I could go on to live a normal life away from the constant barrage of emotional abuse. The worst thing that could happen to her- she'd realize what a complete unmanageable, short fused, blind bitch she's been all these years and maybe she could learn to be happy and well-adjusted.
I didn't go home this christmas- in a way it was liberating and much easier on our wallets. On the other hand.. I wish I would have. I found out yesterday that my Grandma Judy has cancer for the fourth time. She and my grandfather are hoping to get test results back today to find out what type it is, what stage it's in, if it's treatable or if it's even worth treating. She said her mammogram was clear in October, but a PET scan in November revealed that there was a lump in her breast and nodules in her lung. The tone of my grandfather's voice was heartbreaking. I wanted to crawl through the phone and hug him. In the two years that I've been in Florida- this is the first time I felt far away. Judy told me to be tough so that is what I will strive to be.
2011 will teach me to be tough. 2011 will not break me.
Brunch and then off to the gym. First day of spring semester tomorrow- here's hoping my financial aid will over the two classes I'm taking.
Sorry for the rant of a post. I'm not fishing for sympathy from anyone by any means. As I said in the beginning- I'm so thankful to have a structured schedule so that I have to only focus on one thing at a time. Also- I'm SOOOO excited for this weekend- Savannah with some of my favorite people. I'm pumped to get to play with our new camera, too!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Happy New Year!
Wow, it's all ready 2011. This year is going to be spectacular! This month makes 3 years with Josh, 25th birthday in February, wedding in July, and honeymoon after that! Talk about having a list of things to look forward to. :)
I'm really enjoying the gym- much more now that I've got a jogging buddy. The couch to 5k workout is coming along nicely. I'm in the middle of week 2 now. Only 6 more weeks to go after this! Definitely feeling it a lot more in my legs now that the jogging time has increased. I've been retaining water like a motherfucker, so I haven't (noticeably) shed any weight yet- but it's still very early in the game. In order to lose water weight, you drink more water, right? Hopefully the google gods will provide me with an answer.
Had the first (and likely last) falling out with my parents this year all ready. Hopefully the trend from last year stops. Too much unnecessary stress and anxiety. I, for one, don't enjoy quarterly guilt-riddled emails rehashing problems that don't concern me. It's tiresome to shoulder that burden any longer- especially when it interferes with time that I could spend being happy about something else.
I hope everyone out there had a great new years eve! When I get some time tomorrow, I plan on putting together my top 10 albums of 2010. Keep your eyes peeled!
I'm really enjoying the gym- much more now that I've got a jogging buddy. The couch to 5k workout is coming along nicely. I'm in the middle of week 2 now. Only 6 more weeks to go after this! Definitely feeling it a lot more in my legs now that the jogging time has increased. I've been retaining water like a motherfucker, so I haven't (noticeably) shed any weight yet- but it's still very early in the game. In order to lose water weight, you drink more water, right? Hopefully the google gods will provide me with an answer.
Had the first (and likely last) falling out with my parents this year all ready. Hopefully the trend from last year stops. Too much unnecessary stress and anxiety. I, for one, don't enjoy quarterly guilt-riddled emails rehashing problems that don't concern me. It's tiresome to shoulder that burden any longer- especially when it interferes with time that I could spend being happy about something else.
I hope everyone out there had a great new years eve! When I get some time tomorrow, I plan on putting together my top 10 albums of 2010. Keep your eyes peeled!
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